The Perks of Being Lily Evans
by abiiglorii
Summary: Lily Evans thinks she has it all figured out; she has perfect grades, made Head Girl in her final year at Hogwarts, and is well respected by the students at Hogwarts. But what happens when James Potter flips all of that upside down?
1. Chapter 1

I could tell by the way that he looked at me that James Potter was head-over-heels in love. That is, if the empty space that was covered in particularly messy hair and abnormally nice skin for a teenage boy counted as a head. Despite that, there are a lot of "head" things that can be attributed to one of Gryffindor's best quidditch players. Of course, he is Head Boy-not a particularly effective one as far as enforcing the rules goes, but Head Boy nonetheless. He has some sort of hair that spouts from his head that girls have called "sex hair", though I find it especially untidy and unattractive. And, according to a rather significant portion of Gryffindor's female population, there is a type of thinking that uses what they call 'James' "other" head' that is quite pleasing to them in general. The notion makes my stomach flood with bile.

These were my thoughts during Professor Slughorn's potions class this afternoon. There were only minutes until the final semester exams were to be passed out, and for once Potter had managed to make it to class on time. Unlike the rest of the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff mix who were bent over their notes and textbooks cramming last minute information into the forefront of their minds, Potter had drawn a semi-significant crowd of female students who stood huddled around his table, a few not-so subtly attempting to capture the empty seat in front of where he perched, his body atop the desk like a king lounging on a throne.

"Oh, James," Sylvia Studder cooed, resting her palms on the edge of the desk as she leaned toward him, "We all just love your quidditch stories." A few girls nodded in agreement, most of their faces flushed a ridiculous pink color.

_As if any of them know anything about quiddich,_ I thought to myself. _Well, not that I do. But I'm not interested in being Potter's groupie. _

I turned back to my last minute studies, reviewing information that I already knew by heart when Professor Slughorn whisked through the doorway, his strides as self-important as ever. Although I personally found Slughorn an alluring mind on the topic, there was something quite dramatic about him and the pretentious air that followed him around. But today that was the farthest thought from my mind when I noticed where Slughorn's hawk-like eyes were narrowed. At Potter. His favorite victim. My lips curled into a satisfied smirk before a word even formed in Slughorn's mouth.

"Mister Potter," Slughorn droned, the contempt in his voice palpable, "If it isn't too much trouble, let's adjourn this meeting of "Mediocre Fanclub" until after the exam, hmm?" A few of the more jealous Gryffindor and Hufflepuff boys scoffed in agreement while I put my things away, an almost boastful feeling flitting through me.

"Unfortunately, Professor S, this isn't one of Slytherin's organizations." James countered, relishing in the assortment of amused chuckles that dared to side with him. Even some of the more bold students had hidden their faces so they wouldn't attract unwanted attention from the now offended Head of Slytherin house.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor." Slughorn countered, a collective sigh rippling across the classroom while the Hufflepuff's just grinned-they were last in house points and needed every deduction they could get.

Everyone's attention turned to Slughorn then, listening as he flicked his wand and notes about the exam appeared on the dusty chalkboard in the center of the room. I readied my quill and, when the parchment scrolls with the exam appeared in the middle of the table, I quickly grabbed mine and neatly scripted my name on the top while, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Remus Lupin nudging Potter awake so he could most likely make up his own answers to another one of Slughorn's tests.

The exam itself only took about an hour, easy by Professor Slughorn's standards. After, the hallways flooded with students who talked animatedly about going home for the holidays. It was only two weeks until Christmas and all of Hogwarts was decked out in lavish décor; garlands wrapped around every surface they could coil themselves and it seemed that the tall evergreens in the Great Hall were dusted permanently with snow that never melted, the stars at the top of them blazing like miniature suns. Every table centerpiece was sprinkled with gold flecks, catching the candlelight that danced over the long dining tables almost romantically. It was true that Christmas at Hogwarts was unlike any holiday celebration in the world; it was as if the castle was built to come alive during the winter season.

Unlike most of the students at Hogwarts, I was set to stay at the castle over the holidays. My parents had taken Petunia, my bratty sister, on yet another holiday to appease her constant horrid behavior. She called me a freak whenever she saw me, but I know it was only for jealousy. Before I left for Hogwarts my first year, we were the closest sisters could be, but it was as if the letter of my acceptance erased every kind bone in my sister's body. Thankfully, I don't have to put up with her constant insults and whining anymore-my parents have taken her away every holiday since my first year and let me prepare for the next term's studies, much to my appreciation. It's not that I don't miss my parents, of course I do…but one summer under their roof with Petunia is enough to last me an entire year.

Brushing my long reddish hair over my shoulder, I made my way to Gryffindor's common room. As most students hadn't taken to leaving until the next morning, the room was alive with energy that was contagious. Girls talked excitedly in thick clusters, sneaking covert glances at the boys who either roughhoused by the fireplace or lounged in a group of couches and chairs in a way they thought looked alluring. I shook my head, glad that I was beyond scoping out the immature children that called themselves "men", and made my way to my dormitory, in much need of talking with my best friend and roommate, Dorcas Meadows.

"D!" I cried, bursting through the door and immediately flopping down on my bed. Dorcas looked up from her packing, startled by my loud entrance.

"Hiya, Lils." She replied with a soft smile, folding a shirt and tucking it gently into the open trunk that rested on her four poster bed. Dorcas was dressed in her traditional "uniform" outside of her Hogwarts uniform; a long sleeved cardigan that she'd charmed bright pink, a white button down shirt, and conservative khaki pants. She was the daughter of a muggle father and witch, so, like me, she sported muggle clothes whenever the Hogwarts jumper and robes were not required.

"Getting ready to leave?" I couldn't help but notice the slight sadness in my voice. Dorcas was one of the only reasons I stayed sane at Hogwarts; between keeping my perfect grades in line and picking up all of the slack that Potter left to me from his delinquency in Head Boy duties, I was a wreck by the end of most terms, but this once especially.

"I'll only be gone a few weeks, Lily," Dorcas said with an amused smile, shaking her head slightly, "Look in the bright side-Trinity will be here with you." We both burst out in a quick bout of laughter, stifling it was our third roommate hustled through the door.

It wasn't that we didn't like Trinity-she was nice enough. But Trinity was nothing like Dorcas or me. She participated in every party that Hogwarts had to offer, occasionally sneaking to Hogsmede by way of a passage that I couldn't figure out, returning with bottles of firewhiskey that I pretended not to see. Despite her rule-breaking, she was wickedly smart, especially at ancient runes, my worst subject. Since she tutored me, I couldn't very well report her to McGonagall-she was a vital part of my perfect grade streak.

"Hey ladies," Trinity called, floating in ballerina-like steps over to her four poster and sat on top of it, the springs bouncing with her agile flitting. The bottom of her uniform jumper brushed midway over her thighs; it was obvious that she had charmed it shorter-the rest of our skirts sat conservatively at our knees. "Leaving us already, Dorcas?"

"Yep," Dorcas replied cheerfully, putting her last sweater into her trunk and closing it with finality. An outfit for the next day hung lonely in her closet, pressed to perfection. She nudged her trunk into her closet and climbed on her bed, mimicking Trinity. "Ready to go back to Bath."

"I'm sure your family will be thrilled to see you," I offered with a grin. Dorcas' family was enamored with their youngest daughter. Perhaps it was because she was the baby, but Dorcas did have a lot to offer-smart, kind, and civil. I still couldn't figure out how I was made Head Girl over her.

"You'll be missing out, D, going home. At least you'll get to be a part of the farewell bash tonight. I heard Sirius and his crew got their hands on an entire keg of firewhiskey. It's going to be wild!" She exclaimed, an excited flush crawling over her tanned skin. If Dorcas and I were pretty in a conventional way, Trinity was, well, attractive in a wizard's magazine way. Sirius Black was the only male at Hogwarts who had more groupies hovering around him than Potter. The last couple of weeks he had made Trinity his object of his desires, much to her happiness. There hadn't been a night in nearly a month that I hadn't heard them whispering and laughing out in the common room after the rest of the Gryffindors had turned in for the night.

"Yeah, I guess." Dorcas answered Trinity, but her eyes were on me, redness filling her cheeks as she noted the expression of shock on my face.

"What?" I blurted before I could stop myself. I noticed that Trinity looked amused. It wasn't that Dorcas wasn't social-she had plenty of friends from classes and various organizations and clubs at Hogwarts…but she'd never gone to any of the parties that Trinity had invited either of us to, and neither had I.

"I thought it would be fun, Lily. It's our seventh year and we've never done anything even a little rebellious. Who knows what we're missing out on?" Dorcas replied somewhat defensively.

"That's right, D-you tell her." Trinity urged, jumping from her bed to Dorcas' playfully. Dorcas laughed as Trinity bounced into her, sending both girls flying into a heap on the floor. Despite myself, I laughed and shook my head.

"You'll join us, won't you Lily?" Dorcas asked, finally regaining her composure. She walked to the mirror that hung on the wall closest to the door and adjusted her ever-perfect wheat-colored ponytail.

"Well, I-" I choked.

"Of course she will. She has that delicious James Potter trailing her like a lovesick puppy…what's she going to do, turn him down?" Trinity cut in, climbing off her own bed to rummage through the dense clothing of her closet. She tossed a few things toward Dorcas. "Alright, D-time to get rid of the Stepford Wife look and mix it up."

I rolled my eyes, the feeling more of an impulse than a calculated action. "Potter has a history of doing things he shouldn't. Liking me is just like that…he does it because he knows that it'll never happen."

"Only because you won't let it," Trinity countered, shaking her head as Dorcas protested the clothing she'd lended her.

"It's too skimpy!" Dorcas laughed, the sound one of both curious and embarrassed nature.

"Because he's vile!" I protested enthusiastically, standing as irritation rolled off me like waves.

"He's perfect," Trinity cooed, much like the girls had during potions that afternoon. "And so is that outfit, Dorcas Meadows, so put it on and stop complaining."

I shook my head and laughed despite myself, standing to rifle through my own closet for something that Trinity would approve of. Maybe she was right…maybe Potter wasn't exactly vile. But he wasn't perfect, no, not even close.

-.-

It was nearly ten o'clock when Dorcas, Trinity, and I finally finished primping and were somewhat ready to go down to the party that had been in full swing, or at least what sounded like full swing from the top of the stairs. Trinity had made sure that Dorcas and I had made our way outside of our comfort zones tonight, dressing each of us like we were her own life-size dolls and applying makeup and hairspray like she was a stylist. According to her, with Dorcas' fair skin and nearly curve-less body, it was a sin to put her in anything than a shocking royal blue cocktail dress that hugged her frame like a second skin. With her hair pulled back in a sleek twist on the back of her head, Dorcas easily looked like she could be going to some important charity event at the ministry instead of a seventh-year keg party at Hogwarts. But, according to Trinity, everyone would be dressed their best tonight in a last-ditch attempt to get laid. We'd all laughed at that, Dorcas and I a little less than our bolder roommate.

And me, well, Trinity went to town on me. She spent a few minutes curling my blood-red hair into soft and gentle spirals, going on and on about how jealous she was that my hair was pin straight. The makeup around my eyes was brown and smokey which she swore made my green eyes look like they were glowing, though personally I thought I looked a little silly. Then, there was the dress.

I'd worn plenty of dresses before, but none of them like this. This one looped around the back of my neck and around the front, leaving my shoulder blades and the skin under them bare until the small of my back, where the dark gold fabric gathered and trailed down to the back of my knees. The front was the same in length but the dress left my neck and chest nearly bare, coming down in a deep v that stopped a few inches before my bra was exposed. Looking in the mirror, I realized my curves pushed out and cinched in in ways that made me look, well…hot. Like a girl on the cover of a magazine. Almost like Trinity. Sure, this dress wasn't really me and yes, I felt extremely exposed…but for the first time in my seven years at Hogwarts, I felt absolutely positively beautiful.

"Lily," Dorcas squealed as I walked out of the bathroom. She shuffled toward me, obviously not entirely used to the dress. "You look awesome!"

I managed a laugh, feeling a flush creep across my face. I willed it away, clearing my throat before I spoke, "You're beautiful, D!" I turned to Trinity who was in a tight, black number that could only be described as sexy. "Thank you, Trinity. You look gorgeous."

Trinity laughed in a knowing way-she'd been putting herself together like this since she was a fifth year. She nodded her shiny haired head toward the door, "Okay girls, let's do this."

Nervous butterflies floated in my stomach as I made my way out of the dormitory and around the corner where the hallway opened up into a staircase that made its' way from the upper floor to the Common Room, the centerpiece of the room. As I rounded the corner, I felt all of the air rush out of me. I wasn't the kind of girl who bothered with make up or fancy dresses. I was the Head Girl, a sensible student who wore flats instead of the tall heels that were strapped to my feet now. Sure, they made Trinity's platforms look conservative, but they weren't the kind of shoes that I owned.

"Lily!" I snapped out of my internal monologue at the sound of Dorcas calling my name. She'd rounded the corner of the hallway, one step down the stairs. I must've stopped. "Let's go!" She called, her face bright and excited. It was very rare to see Dorcas interested in much of anything outside of charms class and I knew that I'd regret not being a part of her first real social evening.

"Okay," I answered, mustering up all the courage I could and strode, in my tall heels, toward the staircase.


	2. Chapter 2

The party on the ground floor of the Common Room was already in full swing. The lights had been dimmed for the occasion and fires simmered red and green in honor of the upcoming holiday. All of the couches and chairs had been pushed back to make room for dancing, but that hadn't kept both sober and intoxicated couples from throwing themselves and their self respect on top of them in teenage lust-filled heaps. Only one table had been left in the center of the room, and it appeared to have been created into a makeshift bar. A wide-eyed fifth year that Lily remembered as Miles Redding was playing barman and seemed to be receiving attention from a seventh year whose sobriety was questionable.

I giggled as my eyes flicked across the scene. It was different looking at a party when you're attending one; she was used to looking at the Common Room with disgust during festivities like this, calculating how long it would take to clean and pulling drunken girls off of stumbling boys. Now I understood what the allure was-the dim lights, the loud, pulsing music, the drinks…it was like anything could happen. I could be someone other than stuffy Lily Evans, Head Girl.

"Come on!" I shouted toward Dorcas and Trinity over the music, making my way toward the bar where Miles was drooling over the same girl. "Three firewhiskeys!" I held three fingers in case he couldn't hear me. Without caring much that he was filling up cups for the Head Girl and her friends, he pushed three cups toward Dorcas, Trinity, and me and went back to mumbling in the girl's ear. I shrugged and picked up my cup, walking away from the table and made my way to the far end of the Common Room where a few of the less-brave partygoers stood in small circles yelling over the thump of the bass.

I took a sip from my cup and immediately realized why the drink was called firewhiskey. The liquid had a warm burn that trailed from my lips down to my belly, heating my insides like a furnace. The feeling was strange, but I liked it-I could now understand why all of the older Gryffindors had been smuggling the stuff into the dormitories since my first year. Butterbeer was great, but this…this was something else.

"Easy, Lily!" Trinity laughed, holding my arm down so I couldn't take another sip. "It tastes good but this stuff is strong." I suppose I should take her advice; I'd seen Trinity come home from Common Room parties much like this one and heard her rushing to the toilet every few minutes-I did not want that to be me tonight. Instead, I took a small sip and gave her a smile.

"Don't look now," Trinity began, looking back and forth between Dorcas and me, "but it looks like Sirius is on his way over." I could tell she was trying to keep the squeal out of her voice, but it leaked out anyway. I didn't find Sirius Black particularly attractive, but I knew I was in the minority of Hogwarts females. With thick, dark hair and a barking, raspy voice, I'd been told that there was something about Sirus that radiated mystery. I usually argued that there was nothing mysterious about a man who slept with three to four girls a week, but I was, more often than not, told to shut up and ignored while everyone else swooned.

"Ladies," the voice came from over my shoulder, but based on Trinity's warning and my familiarity with the troublemaker, it was obvious that it was Sirius.

"Black," Trinity replied impartially, her voice even and lower than before. I was immediately impressed by her nonchalance. For a girl who was practically oozing with glee a moment ago, she could really pull herself together.

"Ah, Trinity. I thought that was you," His voice was just as bored now. I was fascinated at their banter. It was no secret that they had been spending countless hours together recently, yet their tones reflected those of strangers. I was certainly out of sorts when it came to the whole idea of flirting.

I was suddenly distracted by a sharp pain that bloomed in my ribs, looking down to see Dorcas' retreating elbow. "What was that-" I began irritately, taking a sip of my firewhiskey.

"Potter," was the only word she could squeak out before I heard another voice behind me.

"Lily," Potter said my name slowly, extending each sound so that his words came out almost purr like. I winced as I felt his breath on the back of my neck. He was close, but he knew better than to touch me. He'd learned that lesson a long time ago.

I turned, coming to a much closer face-to-face than I imagined we would. The distance between us wasn't the usual two meter rule that I forced him to abide by…no, this was close enough where I could've sworn I heard each of his heartbeats like they were thunder. His hair was tossled in a way that looked, for once, planned; there were no stray bits that shot out toward the sky, no clumps of quidditch sod or mashed down sections from afternoon naps taken in books amidst class. He wore his typical uniform shirt and red and gold tie, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the tie done loosely, the top few buttons of his shirt open. He was in jeans, which was odd-I couldn't think of a time I'd seen Potter in muggle clothes at Hogwarts-and they were dark and looked as though they'd been pressed, though I'm sure he hadn't pressed them.

This thought process felt like it has taken place hours when I finally spoke, but there was no confusion to his face so I knew that I was keeping up the cadence in this bound-to-be dull conversation when I replied, "Potter," in the same nonchalant tone that I'd heard Sirius and Trinity using. But no, this wasn't a tone like theirs; theirs implied attraction and flirtatiousness. My tone implied contempt.

"Great party, huh?" He asked, stooping down toward me so he could be heard over the roar of the music.

I shrugged. It was my first party, what did I know? "Yeah, I guess." I offered, shrugging like I didn't much care either way.

"I'm surprised to see you here," He continued. If he was fazed by my lack-of conversation, he didn't show it. Instead, he took a sip of his firewhiskey like an old pro, not wincing at the burn like I was sure I had. "I never pegged you as the partying type."

Ever the conversationalist, I shrugged again, "Perhaps you don't know me well enough to peg me as anything." I countered, immediately feeling stupid. I'd known Potter and everyone else in our year since I was eleven. They would know what kind of person I was better than anyone.

"I guess I'm just saying that because you've never gone to any other of my parties," He replied, a knowing smirk on his face. Ugh. Potter thought he had it all figured out.

"Your parties?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. It would be just like him to call them his. While he had tons of friends, that was just a little too arrogant.

"Uh huh," He nodded, craning his neck to look around the room. "Lupin, Black, and Pettigrew and I snuck all of this in from Hogsmede." There was a proud smirk that settled over his face before he remembered who he was talking to. "Erm, I mean," he backtracked, "I tried to stop them, but, you know, they insisted."

"Oh, I'm sure you did." I replied sarcastically, looking away to scan the room for the rest of the party cronies. Remus sat in a corner, sipping a drink and chatting with Peter and a few girls. They were tame in comparison with Sirus, who had a gaggle of girls crowded around him like he was a god. Unfortunately for them, he was completely absorbed with Trinity.

"You're not mad?" Potter asked, his voice sounding awed. I looked back at him. His jaw gaped a little and his eyes were wider than I had ever seen them; it was obvious he was shocked.

I laughed a little despite my annoyance, shaking my head, "I'll chastise you later, Potter. We're at a party, after all." I did my best to keep from laughing again, instead busying myself with another sip of firewhiskey.

"Well," He began, having regained his composure, "Since we're at a party, how about a dance?" His voice had turned itself back to its typically smooth self, his demeanor as rehearsed as ever.

"I don't think so." I answered plainly, adverting my eyes to scan the room. There had to be someone here besides Potter that I could socialize with. I spotted Dorcas chatting cheerfully with Peter and Remus and smiled to myself. With all of their docile temperaments, it made sense that Dorcas would be drawn to them, plus they looked like they were having a great time.

"Why not?" Potter countered, folding his arms and examining me.

"I don't dance." I replied blithely, looking back at him. There wasn't anything shameful about not dancing as far as I was concerned, but by the look on Potter's face you'd have thought I'd just performed an Unforgiveable Curse.

"Don't dance?" He stuttered, completely thrown.

"That's right." I watched Trinity pull Sirius toward the part of the room that had the most people dancing. He looked as thrilled about dancing as I felt.

"Huh." He finished his firewhiskey and jammed his hands in his pockets, considering this. "I guess I could see that."

"See what?" I asked, distracted. I'd just seen Sirus drag Trinity into a dark corner and couldn't help but wonder what exactly they were doing.

"You not being the kind of girl who dances." Potter answered matter-of-factly.

I looked at him again. "What is that supposed to mean? 'The kind of girl who doesn't dance'?" I felt my defenses rising despite the fact that I didn't actually care what he thought.

"You know," he began, nodding at me, "You're a little. Well, uptight."

I couldn't really argue with him there. My parents had been telling me I was uptight since I was about…seven. There was something about me that desired control and calculation, and that did not translate to dancing.

"I guess."

It was then that a somewhat drunk Dorcas made her way over to me, a wide smile on her face as Remus trailed behind her, doing his best to look inconspicuous.

"Lily," she hissed, the scent of firewhiskey strong on her breath, "Remus wants to go walk by the lake." Her voice was uncharacteristically high, an almost Trinity-like squeal to it.

"Sounds like fun," I offered Dorcas a half-hearted smile. It wasn't that I wasn't thrilled for her; she almost never talked to boys, always too shy. It just bothered me that only now that she was drunk was she able to-with her looks and personality, they should've been interested from the start.

"Come with me? Please, please Lils?" She grabbed my wrist as she spoke, as if she were ready to drag me if I resisted.

I peered over her shoulder to look at Remus who offered me a small smile. I didn't know much about the guy. Like most of the Gryffindor population, I knew that he ran with Potter, Peter, and Sirius, but unlike them he seemed rather sensible. He was quiet and didn't attract a lot of attention like the rest of the group so often did.

"You're welcome to join us," Remus offered, taking a few steps forward, offering both Dorcas and me a tentative grin. Apparently he was a little shy as well. Huh. I wonder what got him running around with loudmouths like Potter and Sirius.

"A walk, Mooney?" Potter raised an eyebrow suggestively which caused Remus' face to flood with red that showed even in the dimness of the room.

"It's all innocent," Dorcas protested, giggling a little. She pulled me closer now, linking her arm through mine.

I took a final swig from my firewhiskey and tossed the cup onto a nearby table, "Fine," I finally managed to spit out, my throat burning from the alcohol, "A walk it is. You're lucky I'm your friend, D."

"Don't I know it." Dorcas countered with a laugh, jerking her attention back to Remus, who'd been watching with a somewhat amused look on his face, "You're still coming, aren't you Remus?" For a girl who hadn't had much experience with boys, she sure knew how to reel them in.

"Of course," Remus replied, nervously rolling up his sleeves and swallowing hard, "How about you, Prongs?"

I still hadn't figured out the strange code of nicknames the four of them used with each other, but then again I wasn't sure I needed to know. Probably something childish or perverse.

"Sounds brilliant," Potter answered before taking another sip of his firewhiskey. I hadn't exactly been counting, but it seemed he was on at least his third cup.

"Wait, no, it's all right," I began, trying to amend the situation that had quickly fallen out of my control. There was something terrifying at the aspect of Potter and me playing chaperone to Dorcas and Remus. Alone. By the lake. At night. The whole thing sounded oddly romantic and certainly not a situation that would make Potter any less brazen than he usually was. "Potter should be here to make sure things don't get out of control." My voice was weak when I spoke-the Common Room had likely passed the 'out of control' stage hours ago about the same second that firewhiskey appeared. "Or at least I should stay behind. You know, Head Girl responsibilities."

"She's probably right, James," Remus agreed, looking around the room as I had. For a moment, I cursed whatever hierarchy that had made James Potter Head Boy over Remus Lupin. How different my life would be with a moderately intelligent counterpart.

"Rubbish," Potter answered, shaking his head and tossing his cup alongside mine on the table, "Do you think I'm going to let a lady wander around the lake by herself at," He peered down at his wristwatch, clearly a magical one, "Nearly midnight? No, that's not what gentlemen do."

I couldn't resist: my eyes rolled immediately, "You consider yourself a gentleman?" It was all I could do to keep the sarcasm and laughter out of my voice. I didn't want to be cruel, but come on-this was the same James Potter who dated about three girls a month.

"Don't you?" He asked, flashing a smile that I assumed I was supposed to find charming.

"Why don't we decide this over a walk?" Dorcas cut in quickly, pulling my arm and leading me toward the door. Normally, I would've had the wit to stop her but with this much firewhiskey in me, it seemed a lot simpler to listen to my slightly intoxicated best friend.

"Perfect," I heard Remus say as he followed us. I assumed Potter was in tow; it would be unlike him to miss a moment of making me miserable.

..-..

The walk from the castle to the lake felt like a Herculean effort. After spending a good five minutes attempting to walk in grass while wearing heels (and a couple falls that we would definitely feel in the morning) Dorcas and I had shed our shoes and walked barefoot on the sandy shore of the lake, Remus to her left and Potter to my right. Most of the conversation was light; we spoke of classes and professors, rumors and the upcoming holiday. But, after a while, Remus' hand had found Dorcas' and the two of them had dropped a good distance behind Potter and me, our only sign of them the occasional burst of laughter.

"So, Dorcas and Mooney. What a pair." There was a joking tone to Potter's voice as he threw a glance over his shoulder at the couple who had now wound their arms around each other.

"What a pair," I repeated sarcastically, rolling my eyes, "Likely not a pair that makes it after a good night's sleep." I'd seen this kind of thing before with Trinity. She'd spend an evening whispering into some boy's ear, a late night making out on the couches of the Common Room, and the next day avoiding whatever poor sap she'd seduced the night before. Part of my worried that Remus would do the same thing to Dorcas once daylight hit; I couldn't see her doing anything that cruel to anyone, especially not Remus Lupin. She was too sweet.

"Lily Evans, a cynic. Who'd have thought?" It was Potter's turn to be sarcastic now, nudging me a bit for emphasis. The slight bump made me feel disoriented; I immediately cursed myself for drinking even a sip of that stupid firewhiskey.

"I need to sit," I mumbled, took a few steps toward where the stand turned into soft grass, and flopped onto my back. The world swirled around me when I shut my eyes.

I heard Potter's chuckle as he followed me, falling down in the empty space next to me. If he' been affected by what he'd consumed so far this evening, I hadn't noticed a thing. I turned to look at him as he tucked his hands behind his head and stared up at the cloudy sky; the coverage was too thick to see any stars.

"So what," He began, his tone inflecting a question, "You think that this whole evening will amount to nothing for them?" He nodded at Remus and Dorcas who'd continued walking.

I studied the two of them for a moment. Remus had his arm draped nonchalantly around Dorcas, his fingertips grazing the bare skin of her shoulder in indecipherable patterns. She seemed to be huddled against his side like his arm wasn't enough, her fingertips occasionally pushing against his chest for emphasis. For some reason, the idea of Dorcas flirting like she was freaked me out. It wasn't that she looked sleazy or anything-it was how comfortable she looked. Just hours ago, this girl had been covered nearly from neck to toe and now here she was wearing a strapless dress and walking with a boy's arm around her like it was the most normal thing in the world. Jealousy surged through me before I remembered Potter's question.

"I don't know," I amended, my eyes still on Dorcas, "I don't know Remus well enough to tell whether this is a charade or not."

Potter laughed before answering quickly, "This is the first girl I've ever seen him touch. I'd be willing to bet it's not a charade."

Even though I didn't know Potter was right for certain, the notion made me feel less anxious. "Well good. If he fancies her, even better."

Potter's expression was unreadable at my words. I wasn't sure if I'd said something to him or if my comments about Remus were somehow offensive, but he wore a somewhat bitter smirk on his face. "What?" I asked, turning and sitting up to make eye contact with him.

He laughed, the sound just as bitter as his smirk, "Nothing." His head shook a few more times before his expression changed, an exasperated laugh escaping his lips. "Nothing at all, Evans."


	3. Chapter 3

"When I say James Potter is relentless, Trinity, I mean it. _Relentless._" I flopped onto my bed and turned my head toward the nearby window where the sun had just begun to peak over the edge of the lake. I mentally flipped through the catalog in my mind in an attempt to figure out if I'd ever stayed out all night before. Nope, this was definitely a first.

"Relentless, huh?" Trinity replied, her voice slightly hoarse and sleepy. "Relentless is always a good thing, Lily." I could tell without looking over that she was smirking, the innuendo no doubt ridiculously amusing to her.

Dorcas' laughter came from across the room, the pitch high and raspy. "Doesn't that sound delightful, Lils?" The end of her sentence twisted into another round of cackles.

Had my eyes been open, I would have rolled them. However, the evening spent corralling Dorcas and Remus as well as attempting to shed Potter's attention had left me nearly exhausted. If it was hard work keeping distance from Potter sober, it was damn near impossible with that blasted firewhiskey in my system. As my head pulsed in a dull headache with my heartbeat, I silently vowed to stick to butterbeer; firewhiskey was not worth fuzziness I'd felt.

"Undoubtably," I answered dryly which caused another round of giggles to fill the otherwise silent room. Quickly, I changed the subject, "So, D…you and Remus?" I knew without looking that Dorcas' face would be burned pink with embarrassment, but I assumed it was a fair trade for her having harassed me about Potter.

"Remus?" Trinity exclaimed. I heard her sheets rustle and I assumed she'd rolled over to look at Dorcas. "As in Remus Lupin? The one who always hangs out with James and Sirius?"

"That's the bloke," I answered for Dorcas, "They spent the evening wound around each other like boa constrictors."

"Lily Evans, that is not true!" Dorcas interjected, though the defensiveness in her voice all but proved it was. "We just went for a walk, that's all. I was cold, he put his arm around me to warm me up…" She trailed off as if lost in her recollection.

Trinity cat-called before laughing, "And the rest is, as they say, history."

"I'm sure a proposal is looming," I teased, snuggling myself deeper in my bed, the quilt wrapping around me like a cocoon.

"You two are ridiculous," Dorcas yawned. "Anyway, if anyone should be getting married it should be Trinity and Sirus Black. They all but pre-consummated it last night near the suit of armor according to Peter Pettigrew."

Trinity sat up and chucked a pillow at Dorcas, missing her face only by inches, "Oh bugger off! We only kissed."

"For an hour." Dorcas amended.

"Forty-five minutes." Trinity corrected her, an air of contempt in her tone, "Not that I was counting."

I sighed into my pillow, relieved that conversations that revolved around me and boys were not only few and far between, but also consisted of me attempting to fend the only one that liked me off. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be Trinity or Dorcas right now: worried about what the guy is thinking, wondering if they'll ask to see either of them again, planning the witty things they would say when they saw them. The whole charade seemed like a large waste of time for me.

But that wasn't entirely true. Sure, that's what the sensible part of me thought, the part that existed on the one track frame of mind where grades were not only the most important thing, but the only thing besides Head Girl duties. But the either part, well, it was going rogue on me. It was the part that secretly went the slightest bit weak when a compliment left a boy's lips. The part that couldn't help noticing the stubble on a boy's cheeks or the way their skin flushed the most sensual shade of pink when they walked off a quidditch pitch. This was the part I pushed to the side. The part that I would never admit to, not even to myself.

-.-

"Goodbye, Dorcas!" Trinity and I called in unison, waving to our roommate from the top of the Common Room stairs. Dorcas mouthed a goodbye to us and flashed a brilliant smile before she gathered her trunk and Remus picked up her owl's cage, the portrait of the Fat Lady swinging shut with a sound of finality behind them.

Internally, I sighed. I hadn't seen much of my best friend in the few hours before she'd left. Of course, we'd slept in late this morning in an attempt to nurse what Trinity called a "hangover" but I preferred to deem a headache. After brunch in the Great Hall, Remus had occupied the rest of Dorcas' attention until the clock struck three and she headed to the platform of the Hogwarts Express. I was beyond happy for her, don't get me wrong, but there was something unsettling about the amount of time that my roommates had spent talking about or hanging out with boys since yesterday evening. Until Remus came along, I'd felt like Trinity was the outcast of our room and Dorcas and I in the majority but now, with the shaggy-haired boy's newfound interest in my best friend, I felt myself slip into the minority.

"I'm going to take another nap," Trinity yawned, snapping me away from my thoughts.

"Sure, sure," I mumbled distractedly, offering her what I hopped was a serene smile before I ambled down the stairs and onto the main floor of the Common Room. I made my way over to a fireplace and stood in front of it for a moment, warming my body before sitting down on a nearby loveseat. I tucked my feet onto the cushion and wrapped my arms around my knees, resting my chin on top as I gazed into the fireplace again.

Most of the students in Gryffindor had opted to take the later train out of Hogwarts, spending their last few hours at school curled up in bed or gorging during brunch. According to the paperwork that Professor McGonagall had given me last week, there was only a total of eighteen Gryffindor students staying at the castle over holiday break, most of them sixth and seventh years who chose to get a head start on their studies rather than lounging around for the next two weeks to come. I wasn't sure if I'd have stayed at Hogwarts if I had a civil family to go home to. Petunia's constant harassment took any fun out of the Christmas season, and I'd rather my parents and she have a somewhat pleasureable holiday than to go home and throw the ever-so delicate balance off.

I felt pressure on the cushion next to me, the scent of dirt and sweat filling my nostrils. "Hello, Evans," the voice belonged to a slightly out of breath Potter.

I looked over and noticed his broom leaned against his outstretched legs which were nicked with blood-lined cuts obscured by mud. My eyes shot over to the window where snow was falling, the flakes thick and heavy looking as they covered the green of the Hogwarts' grounds. "You played quidditch in shorts?" The skepticism to my tone was impossible to miss.

"I did," Potter answered as if the question didn't quite my sense to him.

"You do know it's snowing, right?"

"You know, I wondered what that white rubbish was. Snow, you say?"

I rolled my eyes, my head shaking paternally, "You're going to get sick."

"Me? Never." Potter replied, a bit of a smirk on his face. "I'm off to shower before I catch the night train." He stood, brushing some of the dirt from his t-shirt and shorts before he retreated to the boys dormitories.

-.-

"Evans," a hoarse voice rasped from behind me.

Groggily, I sat up and rubbed my eyes, instinctively checking the time on my watch. It was seven at night. I turned around and looked over the back of the loveseat. Potter was huddled what I assumed was his bed's quilt, his face pale even with the yellow and orange from the fire reflecting over his skin. Despite my usual annoyance with him, I couldn't manage to put irritation into my voice. "What is it?"

"I'm sick." He stated, sniffing once as if to prove it.

"It does appear that way." I agreed, "I told you so."

"You did," He nodded, rubbing a hand over his head which seemed to be slick with sweat.

I sat for a moment, unsure of what to say. Potter usually had a smart comment for everything. His agreement left me a little stunned, "Why are you coming to me?" I finally said, "Don't you have a train to catch."

He shook his head once before a loud sneeze echoed through the Common Room, "Too sick." He finally answered, sniffing again.

"Oh," I answered, again unsure of what to say, "I'm sorry." I couldn't imagine how terrible it would be to want to go home to your family but unable to. After reconsidering my last thought, I guess I did.

"Me too," He replied, his body tilting a little as if he'd lost his balance. He took a few steps to steady himself and coughed once, the sound deep and hacking.

Instantly, I feel horrible for saying 'I told you so'. "Do you want to sit down?" I asked, clearing aside a few of the throw pillows next to me to make room.

"Uh huh," He nodded, the response quite child-like as he walked around the loveseat and slid down on it, his body balled up against himself. Usually, an invitation like the one I'd given him would make Potter cocky, but now he just sighed into one of the pillows, pulling his knees up toward his chest and tucking his feet into the space between the back of the couch and the seat cushions. He wheezed when he inhaled again.

"You really should go to the Hospital Wing," I pointed out.

"Too tired," He coughed, each one shaking the loveseat enough to stir me.

"Just lay down then," My voice had gone soft in a way I hadn't planned. I reached out and patted his back lightly, the action awkward but somehow fitting in the situation.

"Okay," He breathed as his eyes fluttered shut. With my hand on his back, I let my own close as well, the warmth under my palm comforting as I felt sleep roll over me.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke early, my body on fire. Before I'd opened my eyes, I was sure I'd somehow managed to sleepwalk into the fireplace and now I'd likely burn to death. Instead, once my eyes adjusted to the dim morning light of the Common Room, I realized that a fever-stricken James Potter had taken up residence on my lap, the top of his head peeking out from underneath his ragged quilt. I resisted the urge to stand and roll him from the loveseat, instead, my body reacting before my mind, my fingers stroked the thick brown curls on top of his head. In my mind, I'd always assumed they were soft. Whenever girls flirted with Potter, their hands somehow wound up on his hair. However, the loose spiral tufts were slightly bristly and coarse, the texture of a man's hair, not a boy's.

I felt him shift under my hand and quickly retreated, focusing my eyes on the fire that had burned down to just embers that glowed like gold in the darkness of the fireplace. After expelling a few muffled coughs from his residence amidst the quilt, I looked back down in time to see Potter turn his head to look at me, his eyes filled with sleep and his skin just as pale and colorless as the night before.

"Hi Evans," he croaked, his words almost indecipherable. He cleared his throat and tired once more, but his clarity didn't improve. "Bloody hell," he mumbled under his breath, the words still disjointed.

"Potter," I replied, my voice filled with sleep but luckily not nearly as bad as his, "How are you feeling?" I'm sure the question was needless, but I felt I ought to ask anyway.

"Not great," he sighed, the air moving from his lungs making a bubbling sound as if he were underwater.

I grimaced-he had to have a ton of fluid in his lungs, "Well, look on the bright side-I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing today."

"No," he whined, sounding much like a three year old, "Madam Pomphrey hates me. She'll make me stay there all break."

I had to laugh at that, mainly because it was true. For some reason, Madam Pomphrey, Hogwarts' ancient nurse, had taken an extreme disliking to James and his friends, but he especially. I'd asked him about it one particularly frustrating afternoon when he'd severed his thumb during Transfiguration. Apparently he'd taken a couple of bloody beatings from the Whomping Willow but, despite her advice, continued to visit the tree regularly…and more often than not, had the sod crushed out of him. Personally, I couldn't see what was so special about a tree that could send you to the Hospital Wing, but it seemed to be a regular hang-out place for Potter and his friends.

"Likely," I answered fairly, "But isn't that better than feeling like rubbish?"

He shook his head definitely, the three year old resurfacing, "Not at all. I'll just lie in the dormitory for a few days and I'm sure I'll be as good as new." His tone seemed upbeat but forced, though his voice was getting better the more that he spoke.

I rolled my eyes, looking at my watch before sliding out from under Potter and standing, stretching my arms above my head and groaning.

"Where are you going?" he asked rather pathetically, adding a cough that sounded the tiniest bit fake.

"To bed," I answered, hoping my words sounded sharp but likely didn't with the yawn that cut me off.

"Weren't you just sleeping?" He pressed, patting the space where I was before, "Just lay back down."

I laughed, shaking my head, "Yeah, I'm sure you'd love that."

"I would," Potter replied, as if this were a normal conversation.

"Which is why I'm going upstairs," I answered, gathering the book I'd brought with me and heading up the stairs to my dormitory. I was sure to be quiet as I walked in; it was likely that Trinity would still be asleep. As my eyes adjusted to the dark room, I realized that I was alone. Huh. Wonder where she was? Instead of worrying myself with my roommates' whereabouts, I laid down in bed.

Sleeping downstairs in the Common Room with Potter probably wasn't the most intelligent thing I'd ever done. At the time, I'd felt bad; he'd looked so pathetic and innocent with his hair askew and his white-washed face, bundled up in the blanket like it was fifty below. But now that I thought about it, I'm sure I had given him the wrong idea, one that he would run with as far as he could. But what was I supposed to do? Let him lie alone in the Common Room and think that nobody cared? Sure, had he been home his parents would have taken care of him-from what I'd heard, Potter's family was exceptionally proud of their only son-but there was no one here. Well, besides Sirius. Apparently he wasn't too popular in his family and spent his break at Hogwarts as well, according to Professor McGonagall; she'd instructed me to pay special attention to him above all other students-he had a knack for troublemaking. I just couldn't see Sirius doing much besides telling him to "man up" and perhaps handing him a firewhiskey. I cringed at the thought. No, I'd done Potter a favor to clear my conscious and now, I knew, I'd have to pay for it. There was no way he'd let me forget that I'd allowed him to lie practically on top of me the entire evening. It would be too opportune for him to drop.

It had been an hour since I'd come up to my room and I hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. Sighing, I stood and made my way to the bathroom, deciding that a nice hot shower would erase any of the premature stress that last night had filled me with. I gathered my things and selected a shower, blasting the water nearly as hot as it could go before stepping inside. Immediately, I was surrounded by a steamy fog that seemed to permeate my skin, the scolding water biting against my back as if it was alive. Yes, this was exactly what I needed. I squeezed some shampoo onto my palm before kneading it through my hair before realizing the scent. Strawberry. Which, Potter always reminded me, was his favorite scent. I cringed. It was like I couldn't get a moment to myself, not even in my own head. Last night was innocent…there was no reason I should regret trying to be a friend to him. But, deep down, I knew that he would make me regret it. It was his nature. I kicked up the water a touch hotter for good measure and continued to scrub my body, hoping to exfoliate away any of the skin that had touched his.

By the time I stepped out of the shower and pulled my plush white robe over my shoulders my skin was bright red and burning. I knew that the shower I'd taken would probably leave me sore for a while and the fact that I'd probably lost six layers of skin would leave me at least pink for the rest of the day, but I didn't care.

When I walked back into the room, I immediately noticed that Trinity had come and gone. The clothes she'd worn yesterday were strewn across her bed and, by the musky scent in the room, she'd sprayed perfume before she'd left. I sat down on the edge of my bed, wondering for a moment where she'd run off to before I realized it was probably to Sirius. Who, most likely, had heard of the evening on the couch from Potter. Who, at this point, was bound to ruin my life. I cursed aloud, the dirty word reverberating off the pale walls.

After pulling on a comfortable sweater that my mother swore matched my eyes and a pair of beat up jeans, I headed off to the library in an attempt to prepare for the ancient runes class I was to take next term. Sure, I would've preferred that Trinity came along, but with her having gone MIA and since she was likely with my current object of anger's best friend, I decided that searching for her was out of the question. I had just spread a few books across the table and readied my quill when someone slid into the seat across from me at the table.

Internally, I sighed. Potter had found me already. But, when I looked up, I was face-to-face not with Potter but Remus Lupin.

"Hello, Lily," Remus said with a smile, his voice low as not to disturb the other patrons who chose to study this morning, though the room was empty besides the two of us.

"Hello Remus," I answered cautiously, realizing that I probably sounded apprehensive, "How are you?" I forced myself to sound friendly.

"Brilliant, thank you. And you?"

"I've been better," I muttered under my breath before clearing my throat, "I'm fine, thank you."

"I see you've found a place that James won't find you," Remus pointed out, a small smile etching over the slightly tired lines of his face.

"It's as if you've read my mind," I laughed lightly, deciding that Remus probably didn't know about the night that Potter and I had spent in the Common Room.

"Actually it wasn't too difficult a rumination." He chuckled, straightening his tie.

"I guess not," I confirmed, wondering why he owed me a visit. "What brings you here?"

"I was looking for you, as a matter of fact," he answered, pausing for a moment before speaking again, this time his voice a little less confident than before, "I'd like to speak with you about a private matter."

This left me puzzled, "What is it?"

"It's on the subject of your best friend." His voice lowered the tiniest bit at that even though the library was virtually empty; even the librarian had gone home for winter break.

"Ahhh," I smiled knowingly, glad this was the way that the conversation was heading, "Of course. Dorcas."

As I said her name, I noticed the corners of his mouth twitch upward the slightest bit. "That's the one," He grinned, "I was wondering…" he trailed off, looking down for a moment.

"Wondering what?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If she was, you know…interested?" He looked up, his expression vulnerable.

I studied him for a moment, instantly deciding that yes, I liked Remus Lupin. If I'd had any question at how genuine he was before, it had just evaporated. "I can't say for sure, but I would assume she is." I finally offered.

"Okay." He sighed, the sound relieved. He pushed away from the table, climbing to his feet. The smile on his face was one that was impossible to be hidden-my only regret was that Dorcas wasn't around to see it. "Thank you, Lily. I owe you one."

The words came before I could stop them, "Actually, there is something."

Remus sat back down looking somewhat confused. "Yes?" He prompted genuine curiosity in his tone.

"You don't think," I began, feeling breathless, "you don't think I'm totally ruining Potter, er, James' life, do you?"

Remus squinted his eyes as if in thought, "I don't understand. Ruining his life?"

"Turning him down all the time," I clarified.

"Lily," Remus began, sounding oddly condescending, "You do know that you're not the only one that he harasses?"

I thought about that for a moment. Yes, I'd seen him tease other girls but not nearly as often nor as thoroughly as he chided me. "Well, of course there are others-"

"Like Trinity."

"Trinity?" I felt my jaw drop the slightest bit, "I thought she and Sirius…" Actually, I wasn't quite sure what was going on with her and Sirius.

Remus shook his head, "They were lying in his bed when I woke up this morning."

"Impossible!" I blurted, "Potter and I slept on the loveseat in the Common Room!"

"WHAT?" The shock on Remus' face was almost comical.

"He was sick. Look, it's beside the point. They were in bed together?" Exasperation was about the only emotion I was allowing myself to feel, though for some reason the word 'betrayal' had somehow come to mind. I pushed it away.

He nodded once, "Well, he was lying down. She was sitting up. They'd been talking before I came in, I could hear from the hallway, but they stopped talking as soon as I opened the door."

I knew I shouldn't be surprised. This was the kind of girl Trinity was. She would do anything for male attention. Immediately, I felt horrible for allowing myself to believe that. I had told Trinity that I wasn't interested in Potter and, obviously, I'm not; why wouldn't she make if move if she were interested? Maybe she'd been wrong about Sirius being into her and maybe, with Potter lonely and sick, they'd comforted each other. Maybe it was completely innocent. Maybe it wasn't. There wasn't a reason I could put my finger on that would calculate to why I cared; the feeling was entirely irrational. I just felt stupid.

"Are you okay, Lily?" Remus asked, his voice soothing.

"I am," I answered, gathering my things sloppily and hoisting my bag over my shoulders, "Thank you." With that I turned on my heel, leaving a confused yet thrilled Remus Lupin in my wake as I made my way back to the Gryffindor Common Room.

_I don't care about Potter_, I repeated over and over to myself. _And he doesn't care about me_. But I knew that only half of that sentence could be true, and either way the reality was terrifying.


	5. Chapter 5

I would love to be able to say that I handled the rest of the afternoon in a civilized way. That I didn't attempt to avoid my roommate and that I made myself virtually undetectable from Potter and the rest of his gang. Unfortunately, that was no t the way that it went. For some reason, I couldn't bear to face Trinity and the idea of seeing Potter after both the conversation I had with Remus and the night I'd spent taking care of him. In reality, there was nothing that I should feel angry or guilty or even the slightest bit upset about. Trinity didn't do anything wrong. I didn't care about Potter. Nobody had done anything to hurt me. But, for some reason, emotions battled inside me, the war at a brutal stalemate. The only thing I could think to do was retreat.

That's how I ended up in the Astronomy Tower. With a pile of books, my warmest coat, and a candle, I had made myself my own private study area. I'd poured myself into my work, afraid of leaving my mind idle; any inactivity led me to think about Trinity and, well, you know. It wasn't worth my time nor my effort. In fact, I'd decided amidst a particularly difficult section of runes, they more than likely deserved each other.

"Lily?" The voice frightened me. I leapt to my feet on impulse, the candle tipping over and extinguishing. For a moment, I was blind in the darkness; my heart pounded against my chest what I could've sworn was audibly.

"Yes?" I could hear the fear in my voice and wanted to kick myself.

"It's me." Moonlight illuminated a silhouette but the dark shadows that fell across his face left his identity a mystery to me until he spoke again, "Sirius."

I hadn't spoken four words to Sirius Black in my entire life, and that included the present conversation. "Oh. Hello."

A low rasping chuckle built from his chest and filled the room, "Prongs was right. You aren't very pleasant, are you?" He stepped closer, the trickle of light that seeped in through the window finally illuminating his face enough to make him identifiable by his features.

"I'm plenty pleasant," I answer sourly, which caused another round of laughter to exude from him.

"I'm sure you are. But that's not why I'm here." It looked as if his expression twisted or if the pale blue light was playing tricks on me, but his voice became lower, "I'm here to talk to you about Trinity and James."

"I assumed as much," I replied neutrally.

"So you've heard?"

"About?"

"Oh come off it," Sirius spat, flopping down on the chair I'd previously occupied, sending a few books flying, "Mooney told me he told you about the two of 'em."

"He mentioned something about them." I shrugged, struggling to sound carefree.

"About them in bed together." Sirius amended, studying me, "Not that you mind, of course. You're always fending the bloke off, it must be a nice change of pace for you."

"It is. I'm actually getting some work done for a change." I nodded at the three scrolls of notes I'd taken on runes, "Have you started any work yet?"

"Um, no." Sirius answered in a tone that implied I was crazy, "So, Trinity likes Potter then? How long has that been going on?" His voice was a little edgier than it had been before.

I squinted, folding my arms, "I have no idea. It's not like Trinity tells me much. Last I heard, she fancied you."

"Yes, that's the last I've heard as well." He mumbled under his breath, "But according to Remus-"

"Are you sure he's right?" I cut in, "I mean, I'd just been with Potter not even a half an hour before what Remus said he saw."

"I'm positive he's right." Sirius affirmed, scratching his stubbly face.

"Then what are you here about?" I asked, confused, "Potter and Trinity were in your dormitory, isn't that about all there is to it?"

He shook his head, "No, not really."

I waited for him to respond, but he left it at that, his eyes trained on the full moon. "Not really…?" I prompted, snapping his attention back to me.

"Potter has fancied you since, well, he met you really. Besides you spending all your time with Snev-"

"Severus." I cut in, my voice sharp.

"Snape, whatever. Besides that, I reckon he thought you perfect." I couldn't contain the laugh that slipped through my lips but Sirius continued speaking undeterred, "So it doesn't make sense, him with Trinity and all. Especially if you two spent the night together." The implication was obvious.

"I took care of him because he was sick." I forced the words between my gritted teeth, the knuckles of both my hands a bony white as I clenched my fists.

"Right, sick," He continued, obviously doubtful, "Either way, that is something Potter would usually gloat. But, he didn't."

"Rightfully so."

Sirius shook his head, "Come off it, it wasn't for your sake. I can't figure out why though."

"Why are you making it a mystery?" I asked, frowning. "So Potter didn't tell anyone. So he likes Trinity. Can't we just leave it at that?"

Sirius' face darkened, "No, we can't."

A slow realization came over me, "Because of Trinity." I replied, my voice nearly a whisper.

"Yes," Sirius breathed the sound, an exasperated, pained sigh, "Because of her."

I considered this for a moment. Up until now, I thought Sirius Black had the emotional range of a doorpost. He wasn't unintelligent, he was often one of the most well-spoken students in Gryffindor house, especially when he was doing something that was supposed to be charming. It was just…he could've had anyone, frankly. Not me, no, I wasn't the kind of girl he sought nor was he the type I was interested in, had I had a type, but there were plenty of girls, tons in fact, that would've given their souls to kiss Sirius Black. So why Trinity?

"You know, more girls than just Trinity fancy you." I told him, though I'm sure he knew. The idea of discussing his love life made me blush.

"Like you, Evans?" He'd turned on the act that made most girls swoon. I felt myself go speechless with embarrassment before he broke character and burst out laughing.

I recovered, shaking my head and sending my loose hair flying, wondering if the two colors of red blended together, "Others, Black." I finally managed, "Obviously not me."

"Obviously." He answered, his eyes rolling.

I folded my arms over my chest, my voice cross though I hadn't planned it to sound that way, "What does that mean? _Obviously_?"

"Well," he began, scratching the back of his neck with one of his large hands, "It's pretty obvious you think you're too good for any of the guys here."

I blanched, losing my train of thought and my defensiveness when words finally came, though they weren't the most eloquent I'd ever constructed, "What?"

"Come on," he looked up at me, his eyes almost sympathetic, "Most girls in Gryffindor worship the ground that Prongs and I walk on. And you, well…you've never showed preference. Not to me, though, no offense, I'm not interested…or to James, or anyone else for that matter. Most of the guys in our house have written you off."

_Written me off? _I mused, unsure of whether to laugh or cry. _Too good? _I tried to think of anytime I'd acted in a way that would've affirmed Sirius' accusations, but my mind was too busy wrapping around the idea that the boys in my house thought that of me. I didn't date, but that was because I had a reputation to uphold, not only as Head Girl but as a student with perfect marks. I spent most of my time studying, and why muddle that with some toerag who just wants to snog?

It was just then that I pin-pointed my problem. That I thought all boys just wanted a girl to throw their arm around and to get busy with behind a statue or in a vacant hallway. Maybe there was something more to them, something that I'd missed. There seemed to be something more to Remus, Sirius even. Why couldn't that be true for the rest of the male population? Suddenly, the "too good" theory made perfect sense. Of course I've given that vibe. Of course the boys thought that I was a stuck-up prat. Which is why I normally worked alone, ate alone except for Dorcas, and spent time at Hogsmede alone. Except for Potter. My only answer was that he'd finally succumbed to insanity.

"You're wondering about James, then?" Sirius asked, as if he'd read my mind.

I found my footing in reality before speaking again, "Not particularly." Up went my defenses despite myself. It was as if I had no control.

"You are," Sirius replied. I expected the words would've been boastful, but really they just sounded interested, "I can tell."

"Potter's a masochist. That's the only answer I've found."

"He's not," he shook his head, a slight smile on his face at my words, "He's in love."

"James Potter is incapable of normal human activity. I would suspect love as something like that." I spat.

Sirius shook his head, "I think I could tell you a thousand times and you still wouldn't believe me."

"I wouldn't even listen," It was out before I could even consider what I was saying.

Sirius looked at me, his smile slowly fading from amusement into one that suggested perhaps the slightest trace of sympathy. He took a few steps backward, pointing his wand at my candle which stood upright and lit up again. "You know," the words came out low and lonesome sounding, "Maybe that's your problem." He stepped out of the room then, his footsteps fading down the staircase back toward the heart of the castle, toward warmth and fellowship as he left me, once again, cold and alone in the Astronomy Tower. I stared at the doorway which he'd left through until I heard a howl echo in the distance, wondering if, had I stood there forever, if I'd ever come up with a response that would've proved Sirius Black wrong.


	6. Chapter 6

[This chapter is dedicate to SiriusAllPunked for her awesome review. I woke up, read it, and was immediately inspired to start chapter six…at seven in the morning. Thank you for the awesome review-people like you keep me on a roll! Also, ImagineThat. You're amazing and your review almost made me cry. Thank you so much. This is for you as well.]

I'm not sure how late I stayed in the Astronomy Tower-all I know is that most of the Gryffindor's had since retired by the time I returned to the Common Room. My thoughts were clouded with Sirius Black's words…the accusations, the epiphanies, the judgments. I wasn't sure, at the moment, whether I'd prefer to punch him or actually consider his words with some type of manner. It was a feeling that puzzled me and left me somewhat dead-to-the-world. I was amidst these thoughts as I walked through the doorway of my dormitory and right into Trinity.

"Oof," I heard the breath knocked out of her as she crashed into her bedpost, the books that she'd been organizing falling to the floor in a low thud. "Watch it, Lily." There was something biting to the words but I couldn't place exactly what it was.

"I'm sorry," I fumbled quickly with the books she'd dropped, piling them back onto her bed, "I was kind of in a daze."

"Sirius Black often does that to people," she nearly snarled, turning her back to me and pulling a jacket over her shoulders.

"Where are you going?" I asked, ignoring what she'd said. Me and Sirius? I wasn't even going to validate that with a response.

"Away," her answer was short and clipped, "Potter invited me on a walk." I wasn't sure if it was just my imagination or her, but I could've sworn her tone was mocking.

I paused, still a few feet from where we collided. I willed myself to move but I was stuck to the spot, my mind swirling around what she'd said. Trinity and Potter. So I wasn't crazy, and neither were Remus and Sirius. But who cared, right? Trinity could go off and snog whomever she pleased. I did the best I could to push the images of Trinity and Potter out of my mind, the idea too vile to even imagine.

"Have fun," was what I finally managed to push out, my voice weak and perhaps the slightest bit insincere.

"I plan to," she answered, zipping up her jacket and walking out the dormitory door. She kicked it shut and the slam echoed off the empty walls for a few seconds, smothering the sound of her footsteps as she walked down the Common Room steps.

I'm not quite sure why I did what I did next. Perhaps the last day and a half had made me absolutely crazy; I wouldn't believed it if someone told me…I'd never felt so many ups and downs in one day. It felt like it wasn't even me who pulled on my winter robes and boots, who pushed the dormitory door open the tiniest creak, and who walked down the stairs like she was a spy. I crouched behind a couch as I watched Trinity exit through the portrait hole and began to stand, attempting to be silent.

"Oy!" The sound came from behind me. Involuntarily, a high-pitched scream escaped my lips as I whirled around, now noticing Sirius Black's long form draped lazily over an arm chair that faced the couch I'd just hidden myself behind. "Whatcha doing?" Based on his tone, I had a feeling he knew exactly what I was up to.

I felt my face burn red as I pulled off the hood of my robes. I hoped it looked as if the heavy fabric had me warm-the last thing I wanted was Sirius to think I was embarrassed. It would only make me look guiltier. "Nothing." I muttered, flopping back on the couch.

"You were following Trinity," He pointed out. He sounded less bitter when he said her name now, "Why?"

"I wasn't." I immediately shot back, tracing my fingertips over the suede of the couch, writing my name in cursive the opposite way of the grain.

"Evans, you can't possibly expect me to believe that," Sirius' voice was dry, almost as if he was bored, though it was obvious he was beyond intrigued. "Not the way you were sneaking around."

I sighed and shook my head. There was no way he was forcing this out of me.

"Well, this is the way that I see it. You could either tell me and we could keep this little incident between the two of us…or I could go after Trinity and ask her why she thought you were following her." He stood as he spoke, inching toward the door threateningly.

"All right!" I spat, climbing to my feet and blocking his path. He slowed to a stop and folded his arms across his chest, nodding as if to say 'go on'. I inhaled deeply and pushed the air through my nose before I spoke again, "I think Trinity was going to see Potter."

"And remind me why you care?" He asked blithely, his tone level.

"I don't," My voice was defensive despite myself, "I was just curious."

Sirius smiled knowingly, pulling a scrap of parchment from his back pocket and unfolding it on a nearby table, "Evans, I think you and I are a little more alike than you'd prefer to acknowledge."

I was relieved he accepted my answer, even though I felt that my half lie was transparent. He picked up his wand from the table and tapped it against the parchment muttering something unintelligible under his breath. From my stance a few feet away, the way the flickering firelight danced on the pale amber of the scrap, it looked as if it were animated, blotches of darkness stretching across it. It was only after I took a few steps forward that I noticed color blooming across the page, ink from an invisible source inching itself across the parchment and forming a labyrinth of twists and turns.

"Is that..?" I was kneeling next to the table now, my eyes focused on rows of hallways and staircases, "…is that the castle?"

"Mhm," Sirius nodded matter-of-factly, kneeling next to me. The movement on the parchment had stopped now, and after examining more closely I saw that this wasn't just an ordinary scrap, but an exact representation of Hogwarts.

My eyes went wide when I saw further movement still and my jaw dropped in surprise, "Are those…"

Sirius rescued my abandoned sentence, "…students? Yes. The map tracks professors as well." Names floated about the hallways on the map, many clustered in dormitories or in Common Rooms, a few wandering outside on the grounds. I saw Trinity's name next to Potter's which were ambling slowly down past the Great Hall.

"Where did you get this?" I asked, never moving my eyes from the map.

"I made it." He stood after studying it for a moment, folding the map and stuffing it in the inside pocket of his winter robes. "Come on, Evans."

I eyed him curiously, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to find out what exactly is going on with Prongs and Trinity. And so are you."


	7. Chapter 7

"Sirus Black," I hissed under my breath as he took hold of my hand and tugged me toward the portrait hole, "I am far above _spying _on James Potter. I could likely think of a hundred things more important than who he chooses to woo."

"Yeah me too," Sirius said in a tone that made it clear that he was only brushing me off, "C'mon, Evans, the longer your arse takes the less likely we are to catch up to them before they're off grounds."

"Off grounds?" Without my permission my voice had slipped into the same shocked warble as Professor McGonagle's did when she caught a student up to something they shouldn't be. I dropped his hand and squeezed my eyes shut and, in silent prayer, hoped that Sirius had missed my overly maternal outburst.

"Merlin, Evans," Black coughed out a laugh, the smirk on his face obvious, "You'd have thought I just suggested we smother an infant. It's only Hogsmede. But, unfortunately, this map ends at the willow."

"The Whomping Willow?" My voice was colored with annoyance, "What does the Whomping Willow have to do with Hogsmede? Better yet, how do you expect two seventh years to get to Hogsmede without apparating." I didn't try to hide the condescending edge I'd taken.

"Well, Lily," Sirius began in the same manner, speaking slowly and looking at me dead in the eye, "Believe it or not, you can get to Hogsmede from the Whomping Willow."

"Bollocks." The obscenity slipped between my lips before I had time to reign in my doubt.

Sirius stared at me for what felt like a whole minute. "What did you just say?"

"I don't believe you." I said haughtily, determined to ignore his surprise at my less than favorable word choice.

"D'you think I'm making it up?" He countered, hands on his hips as he stopped in the middle of the hallway.

"I think you're trying to get me alone somewhere and James'll be watching me fret over him and Trinity and somehow come to the highly slanted conclusion that I'm desperately in love with him." I spat irritably.

Both of Sirius' eyebrows raised as he looked at me, a bit of an awed smile on his face, "First of all, Evans, I've never heard anybody say anything more paranoid or defensive in my life. And secondly, this is more about Trinity than it is about Potter. Well, unless I have to kick his arse. Then a fair amount of it will be about him." He pondered that for a moment before turning back around and starting down the hall again.

"You know," I began as I jogged a few steps to catch up with him, "I could have you all expelled for leaving the grounds like this without permission!"

"I highly doubt you'll do that," Sirius said evenly, turning toward the front gate and climbing down stone steps out into the icy night, "What with you coming with us and all, it would be pretty counter productive." He chuckled to himself as his boots made footprints in the fresh snow, pointed toward the towering willow.

"So far I haven't done anything outside my duties," I answered quickly, stopping mid stride as Sirius continued to blaze through the snow toward the massive tree whose branches had already begun to twist menacingly. "Black, it'll pulverize you. I'm sure Potter and Trinity are in the astronomy tower or down by the lake..."

"No, see here," he pointed to the base of the willow where there were now footprints visiable in the snow, "They've just come this way." He turned back to face me, just now realizing that I'd stopped following him. "C'mon. Wait, stay still." He tugged his dark wand from the back pocket of his pants and mumbled inaudibly.

For the first time since I'd started at Hogwarts, I saw the Whomping Willow's branches raise straight up as if it were any normal, non-magical tree, no part of it threatening to bludgen neither Sirius nor I to pieces. I took a few uneasy steps forward before I realized that Sirius had disappeared.

"Black!" I called into the darkness, looking left and right. I didn't put it past him to jump out and scare the pants off of me just because he could. "Black, this isn't funny!"

From the base of the tree, the outline of Sirius' scruffy head emerged, "Come on, Evans! I'm sick of waiting on you!"

Every sense of decency in my mind told me to turn around, march back up to the Gryffindor tower and get a good night's rest so I would be fully refreshed in relaying the story of Trinity, Potter, and Sirius' violations to Professor McGonagle bright and early. However, there was another part of me, one that I couldn't say I'd ever met before, that urged me toward the base of the tree and into the hole. And that was the part that was currently driving one foot in front of the other, slashing in the slightly slushy snow as I made my way over to Sirius and behind him down the abscess at the base of the willow.

"There's hope for you yet, Head Girl," Sirius said with his signature smirk, giving me a nod of acceptance before starting down the hollow.

Sirius seemed to know the twist and turns of the cave-like expanse under the tree as if it were the back of his hand, his fingertips trailing against the slightly wet soil that made up the walls, mumbling pace numbers to himself as I followed silently, the tip of my wand lit. There were only a few feet worth of room on either side of me and maybe one above me; I noticed that Sirius was walking with a bit of a stoop. After what seemed like hours of walking and countless turns, I felt the ground beneath my feet steepen and turn into an incline. As I squinted, I recognized a series of doors to my left and right with miniscule writing that Sirius strained to read.

"Honeydukes, no, Shrieking Shack, Merlin, definitely not, ah, here we are...Hogshead." He tugged the door open and ushered me into the new tunnel in front of him, closing the door behind him. "Okay, Evans," he began in a whisper, "We are going to come up in the men's restroom of the Hogshead. Act normal, keep your hood on until we get out of there, okay?"

"What? Hogshead? Men's restroom?" I sputtered, my nerves getting the better of me, "We're underage."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "No matter, Potter and I drink here and nobody gives a flying-"

"You drink here?"

"Oh bugger off, Evans, let loose every once in a while, won't you?"

I grimaced, "You think he brought Trinity here to drink?"

"Likely, yes. And dance."

"Potter dances?" I snorted at that thought.

"Probably better than you," Sirius fired back at me.

I considered that for a moment. "Probably."

"Right then. So, keep your cool, do exactly as I say," Sirius seemed to be running through a catalog of things to say to me, "Oh, and Evans?"

"Yes?"

"Maybe enjoy yourself. It wouldn't kill you to have fun."


End file.
